COOL QUESTIONS FOR COOL PEOPLE
1: If you were of the opposite gender, what name would you want to have?
Seeing as I’m pretty disappointingly cisgendered male, any answer I’d give would be more academic than this question hopes. To be honest, I’ve never thought about it before. Wende Annette, perhaps—Wende for my Uncle Rob, who was born my Aunt Wende, and Annette for my late paternal grandmother. Plus, that would make my initials WAM.
2: If you could witness any historical event in person, which one would it be and why?
No non-white person really trusts any time before the 1980s, really. But, honestly, this question has so many answers. At this moment, I’d probably say the
3: What kind of sandwich best describes your personality?
Philly cheesesteak. Sloppy, chaotic, possibly bad for you, totally cheesy and leaves you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and hopelessly fucking outclassed.
4: If your crush or significant other were to turn in to a ferret, what would you do? Would you still like/love them?
I would take care of her. I’d be disappointed, because I could neither marry nor procreate with a ferret, but I’d take care of her for the rest of her life.
5: If you became dictator of your country, and you can enact one law that could not be repealed once you are forcibly removed from office, what would that law be?
That no one person could create any irrevocable laws.
6: What is your opinion of Canada?
From what I’ve seen of it in-person (Vancouver BC), I love the hell out of it. But I imagine it’s just like anyplace else—some cool spots, some shitty spots.
7: What is your spirit animal?
No clue. My favorite animals are whales, pigs, dolphins, and dogs. I’d like to think it’s a dolphin—smart as hell, playful, occasionally a bit mischievous.
8: If you could change your skin color to anything outside of the natural palette of skin colors, what color would you choose?
Pink, I guess. Like, hot pink. Just to fuck with people.
9: What was the last movie you chose not to watch?
Anything Zack Snyder directs.
10: If you were a farmer, what would you grow?
Carrots, kale, celery, coffee beans, citrus, apples, beans, tapioca, rice—anything I could, I guess. Depends on the land.
11: What do you miss the most?
Having the physical resilience of youth.
12: What is your favorite sequel film?
Tie between Aliens and The Empire Strikes Back.
13: Rural area, small town, suburb, or big city?
None of the above. College town.
14: What’s your favorite branch of the military?
Do I have to have one? If I had to pick, it’d be the Army, as my Uncle Barry and dear friend Sarge are Army folk. I guess.
15: What year of school was best for you?
Freshman, Sophomore, and Senior years of college.
16: What is your favorite month, excluding whichever month contains your birthday?
17: What is your favorite type of pie?
Peach. By far. Although coconut cream is pretty great.
18: Do you enjoy being single?
Can’t say I was a fan.
19: Do you prefer rivers, lakes, or oceans?
20: If you had to have one feature on your body changed to a canine version of said feature, what would you choose?
Sense of smell.
21: What is your favorite font?
Not the one in which I’m forced to type this (Courier?). Times New Roman.
22: What is the highest number of cats you can imagine yourself owning?
23: What was your last date like?
24: Who are you?
Some guy with no real affinity for vague questions at the moment.
25: What is your least favorite illicit substance?
Marijuana. Really, anything that gets into the air.
26: What is your opinion on 80’s music?
No different from the music of any other era—it’s got its good stuff, and a lot of crap, too.
27: If you could add something to the high school curriculum, what would you add?
Real, honest discourse on sex, drugs, and parenthood.
28: What is your favorite album artwork?
Right now, I’d say it’s Converge’s Jane Doe.
29: What is your favorite non-social networking website?
Cracked and espn.
30: What is your favorite boy band?
31: What is your least favorite casual dining establishment?
Any corporate chain, really, but Applebee’s.
32: You are allowed one beverage and one candy for the rest of your life. What would you choose?
Water and honey.
33: If you had to be stranded somewhere on Earth, miles from civilization, what biome would you choose and why?
This is a great question. In a pinch, I’d say forest—there’s enough food and resources there that I could probably fend for myself for a while based solely on instinct. Also—most forests are close enough to civilization that I could probably find civilization fairly quickly, and if I couldn’t, there’s an easy way to find north in the forest.
34: What is your preferred projectile?
35: You have inherited a nightclub in a major city. What modifications would you make to it?
I’d change the food menu, first—because, there would be a food menu, and it’d be dank. Second—I’d tear the whole fucker up and change it from a nightclub to an all-ages concert venue.
36: What have you done recently to dismantle the patriarchy?
Let my girlfriend pay for something? Shit, I dunno—I don’t think it’s my place to determine what I might have done. I tend to look at women as people.
37: What song did you most recently get tired of due to its overplaying?
I don’t listen to the radio—I listen to whatever I have until I want to listen to something else.
38: What is your favorite piece of clothing?
Three-button suit jacket.
39: What was the most awkward moment of your romantic history?
I have no clue. My romantic history is a nonstop series of awkward moments. Maybe the first time I had sex with this woman I’d been in love with for years. Sophomore year of college. I’d been in love with her since sophomore year of high school, and I was so unexpectedly, pleasantly surprised that we were there that I blew in two seconds.
40: What brought you to Tumblr?
I was sick of livejournal?
41: What product or service do you find ridiculously overpriced?
Too many to list here. Coffee’s pretty ridiculous. I’ve been roasting my own, which saves me money that I promptly throw into my gas tank.
42: Why did you send the last anonymous Tumblr message you sent?
I don’t remember sending any messages via Tumblr.
43: Who is your favorite one-hit wonder of the last twenty years?
Umm…that’s a good question. I think this ties to my general disdain for popular music—I don’t really listen to people that have “hits” anymore. I guess maybe Daisy Chainsaw?
44: How many people, outside of your immediate family, do you know the birthdays of by heart?
Jesse, Anastasia, Allison, Erin, Joe, Missy, Rian, Steven, Stefan, Greg, Dr. Bennett—I could keep counting, but the point is at least a dozen or two.
45: What is your favorite speech?
Speech? As in one given by another person? Probably my former student Arthur’s valedictorian speech.
46: What is your least favorite song from your favorite musical?
"My Girlfriend Who Lives In Canada."
47: How do you feel about dating exes?
Done it. Useful.
48: What is your favorite vegetable?
49: Who is your favorite fictional villain?
50: What is your favorite police procedural?
I feel like it’s cheating if you don’t use a “Law & Order,” so I’ll say “Special Victims Unit.”